i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
