i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
