conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
