Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
