man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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