I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I have fence marks all over my body
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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