I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
