I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
