just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
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