And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I am never drinking with the goths again.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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