Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
