and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I have aggressive nipples.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize