I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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