he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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