last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
