now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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