im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
found the other keg... it's in the tree
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
