It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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