i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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