i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize