i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I need a beard to bite.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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