I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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