right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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