Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
her facebook's as public as her vagina
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
