I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
