there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
