I can't breathe out the right side of my face
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
