All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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