meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
