My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
