sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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