just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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