This is not my ceiling
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
