Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
