Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
