just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
