I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
