omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
