Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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