Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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