im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
