Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
