I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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