That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
