Your face is a jimmy john
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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