all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Randomize
