I think I won the penis lottery.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
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