i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Your penis caused this!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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