I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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