i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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