sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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