Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
