Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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