Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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