Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
