worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
