i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you will always have a special place in my vag
My vagina just recognized that song.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
