Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
