Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
