I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
