woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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