I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
