which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
