Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
