No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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