All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Drunk is not a location!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
