we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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